1.23.10

[Moro Ashford]

Week one critiques! Don't forget to give your insight for everyone. Be completely honest (not cruel, just truthful) and please, do not be hurt by the results you may receive. This is here merely to better you as a writer.

[Moro Ashford]

<sub>Character Strengths: Mason has pushed the boundaries of an 'ordinary' RP character. His drive to protect his daughter has brought out the best survival skills, and while he continues to desperately search, he retains a 'gentle-giant' demeanor when dealing with the other survivors.
Character Faults: Does Mason do angry? While its good to keep your spirits up, I, at least, would be peeved at least some of the time. I would suggest making Mr. Breaker show a bit of emotion, occasionally.

Writing Strengths: Mason has the burden of his daughter on his conscience, setting him apart from 'typical' RP characters in two ways. The first is the need to control not one, but two characters (demonstrated in the radio transmissions back and fourth), the second is making him typically older than the 21-year-old bachelor commonly seen on sites like these. The character you have created is both believable as well as reliable; this has all been sectioned under 'writing strengths' because, within every post, you have been careful to keep up the image you described in Mason's application. Well done!
Writing Faults: Aside from your careful character descriptions and attributes, perhaps try and add a bit more detail to the scenery. We all know what a hunter, jockey, boomer, ect looks like, but even the smallest perfected details can make your writing look that much more advanced.

Improvement from Last time: First evaluation; Mason looks great!
Downhill from Last Time:</sub>