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1.23.10
Jan 23, 2010 0:33:21 GMT -5
Post by Moro Ashford on Jan 23, 2010 0:33:21 GMT -5
Week one critiques! Don't forget to give your insight for everyone. Be completely honest (not cruel, just truthful) and please, do not be hurt by the results you may receive. This is here merely to better you as a writer.
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1.23.10
Jan 23, 2010 1:07:21 GMT -5
Post by Moro Ashford on Jan 23, 2010 1:07:21 GMT -5
Character Strengths: Kameko is peppy, amusingly and adorably childlike, and inventive. She has both the fire and drive needed for survival in a world like this as well as the heart to ignore her own wounds and tend to the needs of another. Character Faults: Her profile and her actions don't seem to always match up. Kameko can't be clumsy and scared all of the time, of course, but make sure that there is a consistency; try and incorporate that more often into the writing, it will make things far more interesting. There is, of course, a fair balance :].
Writing Strengths: A strong vocabulary; you often pepper in a variety of descriptive words that strengthen both the scene and your writing. Writing Faults: Careful of not missing commas! (example: "Okay(comma) so maybe trying to breaking through the doors wasn’t my best plan.(there should be a comma, not a period) Kameko thought as she braced herself.") Also, a very small detail; I love how we are constantly reminded the color of Kameko's eyes (I often do that in my writing, too- I love eye color :]) but instead of using 'dark blue eye(s)' continually, it may help your writing to find synonyms. Cobalt, sapphire, ect, would be nicely mixed in. :]
Improvement from Last time: First review; looks awesome so far, can't wait to see how she grows! Downhill from Last Time:
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